Boozy Floozy

2012-01-19T12:05:00.001+08:00

Oh and I'm crazy about yoga!!!!

2012-01-19T11:48:00.002+08:00

Caffeine is shooting up my body. As always. I never thought I'd meet people this amazing... This is one of the wonders of knowing new people and letting them into your life. They never over expect anything from you. Some don't even expect. Everybody has been too kind and genuinely caring. Roy, Eline, Sandy, Shan, Michelle, Kai, Hayley, Sherman, Toby... And of course my number ones Ps, Sam, Jerry, Ashler. All of us have one thing in common. We share the same hellhole. In a good, yet bad way.

2011-11-29T18:22:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, semi freaking out cause, it looks like my only brother, the ultimate man of my life, has, for the first ever, just gone public with his relationship. Like I said, looks like. I know that all along I've been giving this hypothetical lady a pretty damn hard time. Saying that it will take a lot for her to accept us as a family of strong, independent women (citation needed). Whatever it was that I said, I still stand by it. But I do feel a certain happiness that I never thought would link up with this very moment.

Everyone knows I'm all for love. And honestly I do feel happy when friends and family tell me that they have met someone special and know that it is for real. When this happens, I support them a hundred percent and I have seen these relationships work out for years. There are though, relationships that really put me on the edge... I can be your support, I can be your pillar, but if you're going to treat me like trash the minute you and your man-toy get all lovey, then naturally I'm out and it's your loss.

So Darren and I came up with this hilarious compiled list of all our lovers (say, ler-va-ahs). Well his pretty much filled up a whole napkin. His categories were, Flames and Flings. Mine was a little bit harder to think of cause obviously I ain't a slut like him but after awhile I decided on, Like A LOT, Crush and Crush turn bro. And it honestly is difficult to list because so many of mine were in-betweens. I might have a Fling section though, might. Why are we so retarded.

2011-11-20T20:00:00.003+08:00

This surge of loneliness, and the rain. They almost go hand in hand, almost. How I miss that one person who grew up with me, listened to me, planned the future with me. Times change. Situations, events, us. You know the perfect world would be us, still hanging out, happy and planning for the next phase of our lives. But you also know that there is no way the universe will ever grant us perfect. And in all honesty, I believe we needed this distance to grow. You found love, I found my family back, you made some wrong decisions, I tasted my own insanity. Life did not spare us, but we are still here, aren't we? No, we are no longer what we were some three years ago. We stopped hanging out. We stopped laughing. We stopped talking. I only wish we would stop crying. But my dear sister, my best friend, even family fall apart. Despite the distance, I have never stopped loving you.

I now understand why I never seemed to be ready for a relationship or any deeper commitment. It is because deep down, I know that I still wanted to grow. How I've always said that I needed time to figure myself out, it wasn't about not knowing what I wanted. It was merely my subconscious telling me that I deserved change and change will come... if I let it. Figuring myself out equals to the hope for some good change in my life.

2011-10-27T23:03:00.002+08:00

Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your kingdom's cause.

2011-10-26T13:09:00.001+08:00

Somewhat inspired by this day, this weather, this state. Slowly it feels like things are falling into place but at the back of my mind I am ready for the falling apart of events. There is probably less fear in me now than before but who knows? Who really knows?

2011-10-17T07:47:00.002+08:00

New day. New week. New semester. Bring. It. On.

2011-10-15T23:02:00.002+08:00

I wasn't about to give up. I wasn't moving forward either. Neither was I in one place at one time. I was however, in a mess on the inside and unfortunately, on the outside as well. It is like I have two minds working together at the exact same time, both as powerful, both as stubborn. One tells me I'm sick and need help. The other says I ought to be my own therapist. My own therapist. Haven't I always been? Even if I haven't been the best one, at least I tried... I always try. "Dream big and keep on dreaming," were my very first thoughts in relation to this entry. Evidently, writing about my dreams has caused my diverse mind to turn it into a discussion on my sanity.

All I need, is to stay in my lane.

2011-08-02T23:22:00.002+08:00

Just afraid of wanting the wrong things.

2011-08-01T13:22:00.004+08:00

Two nights ago I had the most refreshing, most clever, most interesting conversation in what seemed like years, really. (Or maybe even, never before) All that with a tinge of butterflies fluttering around somewhere on the inside. Although, if I may add, this is nothing more than what it is. You meet someone, you get to talking, a conversation starts so naturally, and something in you just wished it would go on. At this point I would really like to say,

Screw the three days rule.

It is difficult enough to try to figure out if someone shares the same thoughts and feelings, - and by feelings I mean emotions unattached - and then some over confident, over egoistic bastard of a man had to come up with a rule, that clearly, messes with the heads and the hearts of the female gender.

Of course, situations vary and believe me, this is not about me, at least not this time. Then again, I am not the sort who sits back and wait for what I want to want me. Because if you want it, then you want it all right? To the alarms going off, there is no wanting or needing anything here. Let's just say that the conversation was worth remembering and the butterflies were a bonus.

2011-06-14T03:03:00.001+08:00

If you are gonna cry don't cry for me

2011-05-28T14:56:00.001+08:00

One of the best feelings in the world is when you are feeling more inspired than yesterday

2011-05-22T00:24:00.000+08:00

Don't fucking deserve you

2011-05-20T20:00:00.003+08:00

Some four months ago I knew I needed to figure myself out. Four months later I don't know if I am even near figuring. Went on the most unenjoyable vacation with the heaviest heart. Woke up to the worst news on the morning of the 22nd. Hid in the back room of the second floor of our Henley Beach place and broke the hell down. Sent my thoughts without even thinking twice to Corvallis and Sg and got the best support I could ever ask for. I love you.

I've grown out of so many things and gotten used to so many others. Stopped feeling anything for the longest time which without a doubt is, the worst feeling ever. So bad that it felt liberating feeling even pain.

Figured that nothing should ever feel like an obligation. No relationships, no feelings, no nothing. That if it ever should then it is not right.

Met someone so special and every single day is something new, something different, something I never thought I would have. It's no fairytale. It's not easy. It's not difficult either. It's just real, that's all. And I feel like I could really really do this right because I want to. And sure it scares me. It scares me that something good is actually happening... to me. It scares me that maybe this time I don't have to guard this terrified heart. That I won't ever have to be afraid of being honest about every part of me. It scares me that maybe I don't deserve this. It scares me that for once, I am able to tell someone so honestly that, Look, I am a mess, whether you know it or not, whether you believe it or not, I am, and I am crazy and I am not perfect and if you really want this then it means that you have to want the crazy too. What scares me, is not what we don't have, but everything that we have. This time it's real.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to truly figure myself out.

2011-05-06T23:29:00.002+08:00

You don't speak to her like that you fucking person. If there is one person I respect the least it's you. You have never really provided. At least not with your heart. No one really knows you but I see right through your cover. Sometimes I wonder if you even have a heart and I honestly think that you don't. Fuck this. You should have gotten out of our lives a long time ago.

2011-04-24T22:30:00.001+08:00

If you go now
I'll understand

2011-04-21T00:27:00.004+08:00

I don't know what this means. And maybe I don't ever want to because for once, I like not knowing. Nobody can understand how it feels because not even half of me does. But then I remember why I even did what I did in the first place. And I am reminded of how scared and broken and vulnerable you were. How all of that drew me to someone I never thought I'd meet. How all I wanted was to tell you how special you were. How this doesn't feel like five days at all. It really doesn't. How with everyone else it's so difficult but with you I can be me and even if it's me being nervous or tongue tied it's still me. And it scares the hell out of me how... I just want to protect someone with all that I can give. This is not an easy thing to say in the head, but if these five days are all that there is then it is good enough. No... this is beyond insane.

2011-04-15T21:37:00.001+08:00

This is crazy mad mad crazy

2011-04-12T03:26:00.002+08:00

It's like I already know you.

2011-02-27T21:37:00.002+08:00

This one's for the ones who kept me a little sane.

In a semi-sane state and right now all I want is for everything to end. Wanting it to end well might be a long shot but then again no one really knows the things that are going to happen next. So many thoughts and feelings going through this mind and this body at this very instant. But I guess all I really need to feel is some self satisfaction. Some self worth and self love. Will not be beating myself up over whatever outcome because really, what is the point? And the truth is, in such a twisted way, that I have gained so much more than I ever would have if everything had gone smoothly. I have learnt to love and learnt to embrace and I really need to remember this before the crazy comes again. Right now all there is to do is to believe in myself one more time, trust in God, and remember that the answer is not to win, the answer is to Stay Sane.

2011-02-24T15:52:00.002+08:00

Cannot write when I need to write... Then I come up with the most powerful words when I don't need them. Looks like every single odd that there is is against me. Brain can hardly function anymore. We slogged for the past three years of our lives only to be told that we did not give enough. While some people have it so easy... so easy. Keep telling myself that it is about the fight. If I can fight hard enough to get through this, whether I make it or not, I will never have to look back and regret.

They may have their complete set of drawings, but I have my God.

2011-02-23T16:42:00.003+08:00

This moment, this state, this place, I will remember this. This is for my dearest Mum, who reached out to me at my lowest and toughest time. You have been the greatest encouragement. For giving your all for your children, for loving me, for coming this far, for all the pain we put each other through. If I don't make it, I know I will still have your love.

2011-02-22T16:49:00.001+08:00

I am fighter

2011-02-22T13:53:00.004+08:00

It has come to a point where everything is beyond my control. Whoever said that life is beautiful probably forgot about us, human beings, the ones who destroy and try to play God. Who are we trying to kid? Most of us don't make the world a better place. Now we need to be harsh and hard because 'society' deems it to be that way. It has now become a crime to have a heart. I am not a perfect person. I lie at times, I try to cover up my own mistakes, sometimes I want more than I need. Yet I cannot comprehend why it has become a rule of sort that we need to be nasty to survive in this society. What drives this need? What is this 'society' we keep putting the blame on? Is it not ourselves? The ones who make up this inhumane world that we, human beings live in? A little compassion and a little bit of encouragement can go a long way. It can save lives and it can change lives. One needs to be at the very bottom to experience the effects of our selfish ways. If we make the rules, then we can change the rules.

2011-02-21T18:58:00.000+08:00

This state...

2011-02-20T17:42:00.003+08:00

Please fight for me, the way I would fight for all of you.

2011-02-20T00:54:00.004+08:00

They play to win, we play for keeps
The odds are against us
But you know we still stand a chance
There's no giving up, no giving in

2011-02-17T20:59:00.001+08:00

It is not over till it is over.

2011-02-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

Hoping that if I keep running away, I would actually get away.

2011-02-12T20:59:00.003+08:00

This is a living, breathing nightmare. The moment between falling and crashing. The standstill. The uncertainty. What happened to the passion? What happened to even the fear? Nothing. Numb. At this very moment, there is nothing that I feel. Perhaps this is the time they say that maybe feeling something, anything, is better than feeling nothing at all. Maybe at some point I truly believed that I could do it all on my own. Now I know that I can't. So this is me, helpless. This is me surrendering.

2011-02-08T20:19:00.002+08:00

How crazy am I for thinking that this breakdown is beautiful?

2011-02-07T22:14:00.000+08:00

Surviving on air, power naps and my God.

2011-02-06T23:30:00.001+08:00

Truly blessed and thankful :')

2011-02-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

Terrified and hanging by a thread.

2011-02-01T16:21:00.009+08:00

Been on Tumblr for a while but Floozy will always be my heart and soul. Countless thoughts of "what the fuck am I doing?" have been constantly in my mind for the past few weeks. If my insides could yell, they would. And then they would send a signal to my head to wake the hell up. Nothing is ever easy and I believe that we are placed in certain situations to fall apart. If you are too perfect then clearly you are not perfect at all. If you have lived my life you would know that it is hardly about the winning. Is not the idea of Life itself to survive? Then greed and pride came along and now all we ever want is to win, without even knowing how to survive. But if we manage to survive the crazy of this life, aren't we then the real winners? (Think Survivor, seriously)

We try so hard to find the right people to talk to, the right people to trust, the right people to love. We forget that all we need is happiness and everything else will fall into its place. Being simple has now become complicated. Sometimes we wish that people would just see us but I have come to realise that that is too much to ask, even for the ones you love. Understanding someone is completely different from respecting someone. Grey's taught me that very valuable lesson. How can I expect someone to understand what goes through my head when sometimes even I don't? But the least that I need is for you to respect that I am different.

This whole experience has humbled myself to a person I could never have been if I had taken the detour. Staying grounded is always harder than losing yourself. It is often enough just having that one person around you who makes you genuinely happy. Right now I feel more than blessed because I have three.

2011-01-31T00:45:00.001+08:00

I know we will make it. We have us. 18 more days.

2011-01-21T20:07:00.001+08:00

Completing design school gives you the courage and confidence to face everything else.

I wanted water but I walked through the fire

2011-01-18T00:52:00.002+08:00

So inspiring and so true. Was on a five day hiatus from work and pretty much the world. However, I appreciate all the hype that led up to my Sunday night. Probably the craziest bunch of people in design school who party a week before submission. Needing all the courage and faith there is to get me through whatever. Thank you everyone for all your comforting words, you guys cannot be any dearer to me than you already are. x

Lie close to meBut don't touch me

2011-01-03T22:32:00.003+08:00

"It's like falling for a serial killer." Statement or advice? Maybe both. But who sets the rules? You feel what you feel. I have all these things to say to you but no way to. Maybe one fine day we will come round the same way. I must be crazy for even thinking that I can fix you. You are broken but who isn't? Sometimes you have to save someone in order to save yourself.

2010-12-22T11:35:00.002+08:00

Who lets danger like you into their lives? You are low, so low. But that doesn't bother me. That is just you and your sad life. Do you even know how happy I am right now? Because you are non-existent to me. You'd think that after all your mind fuck business I'd be sad and weak and pathetic. Well guess what, fuck you because it only made me stronger. And if there is anyone who is sad and weak and pathetic, it's you. Yes you disgust me. Using someone to feed your ego is downright low. You are a liar and you are danger. I don't care who you are friends with. Unlike you, I don't have a need to seek for approval. I don't make people like me. They either do or they don't. I've said it before and I will say it again. You are dead to me.

I know it's hardBut I can hear it beating So if you flash your heart I won't mistreat it

2010-12-05T22:50:00.003+08:00

It's like I am having the worse case of a writer's/designer's block. Writer's because I usually write before I design and God I've been going in circles for days. But so thankful for Yve and Jon for helping me spot my issues. I kind of feel like I need to stand up for Jon because I've realised how he has been misunderstood and misjudged. He is SO weird but it's just him... You can't deny that it was sweet of him for having ready drawn templates for us. I think it's so easy to get caught up in other people's judgement and forget your own. People think I am weird all the time and honestly, I don't give a Fuck. (You know who you are.)

I cannot wait for the 10th for so many reasons. My dearest brother is coming back for Christmas. And it's going to be the best Christmas yet. Some things will remain private but I am hoping for the best. These few weeks have been draining. Mostly emotionally. But amidst all the mess I've been feeling so thankful for so many people and changes. Perhaps the first step is to stop dwelling on what could have been. To me, that is the torture.

So many things to do for school. Don't think I'll be sleeping much or even at all for the next 4 days. But then it's like for once (maybe second, after Flights) at least I know there are people pushing me and it's how we just encourage each other, most of the time we scold (again, thankful). It took me 2 years to find the right fit but everything fell into place in the end. Am determine to come up with something to show Yve and Jon tomorrow. Not confident about it but they did mention to stop running away from them (major ha ha).

My parents have been away so much lately and with my brother in the States, it has become quite depressing being alone at home. I don't think it matters how independent you are, loneliness is always consuming. But I'm happy. I wish my family gets to spend more time together before my brother leaves again.

Hoping that inspiration comes quickly. Will probably drop by Studio at noon and stay till late. I don't think anyone gives a shit about attendance anymore. Will probably also be awoken by crazy friends' texts forcing me to get to Studio early.

Whoever read all of this, you are too sweet. x

2010-11-15T22:36:00.002+08:00

And how do I feel?
Like you'd know
It doesn't take the brightest mind to see
You've broken my heart

2010-11-15T02:39:00.000+08:00

"Where does it hurt most?"
"My soul."

2010-11-07T16:57:00.002+08:00

"Honestly, I don't even want to study anymore."
"Then don't."

Finally got my much needed heart talk and it feels so so good.

I am on my knees in front of him But he doesn't seem to see me

2010-11-01T02:21:00.000+08:00

What I don't want to do is crash no

2010-10-15T23:57:00.002+08:00

24 hours later: I could use another 48 hours of you on my mind then school needs to start and I need to get out of my head. I need school to start.

2010-10-15T23:48:00.003+08:00

1. you are hopelessly hung up on her
2. you feel the same way
3. you absolutely hate me

notice how 1 single man can give off 3 different vibes?

BreatheI know you find it hardBut baby breathe

2010-10-05T00:19:00.003+08:00

There is one thing you need to know. I am hardly the person I was five years ago. I believe there is a kind of comfort between two people that never goes away and in all honesty, you do have that effect on me. I thought I could keep lying but then that familiar feeling came creeping up on me once again and no, I will never put myself out there again, not with you. We could be using each other. Happens all the time.

So if someone asks me to choose between you three it would be Jo because he is the only one who listens to me.

Could've been you

2010-09-25T20:26:00.002+08:00

"I have to hate you a little, just for a little while. But I can't do that if you stay."

2010-09-05T03:34:00.001+08:00

"You do know he mind fucks you."
"Yes."

pills

2010-09-02T00:51:00.001+08:00

the only way to deal with pain is to feel it

2010-08-28T05:18:00.001+08:00

Thank you for all the simple times. I suppose we will never be the same. But I'll always miss and remember what we had. It's been more than a year and I still listen to our songs all the time. We stopped happening because you never seemed to fight for me. But I believe you fought for me in your heart.

2010-08-25T23:54:00.001+08:00

Today I told a dear friend that maybe it is better to love the wrong person than to not love at all.

2010-08-20T12:21:00.001+08:00

wasted the last 6 years of my fucking life trying to please the shit out of you

I love you madly

2010-03-29T00:24:00.001+08:00

2010-03-28T13:50:00.005+08:00

"Here's some free advice. Kindergarden's over, nobody's gonna catch you if you fall. You don't like your life, you do something about it. You can't walk, you crawl. You do something, Join a gym. Join a club. Join a cult. Do something, anything. What you don't do, is whine to me about it." - Charlotte

2010-03-14T00:33:00.004+08:00

America messed up big time. Sign the petition - http://www.change.org/actions/view/bring_alex_lambert_back_on_american_idol and bring Alex back.

Seriously, Katie Stevens and Tim Urban? Worst Top 12 ever. Ever. For Alex and Lilly to not even make it to Top 12, it's undeserving. Worst frickin decision ever!

Some Private Practice to clear my mind.

2010-03-10T23:42:00.003+08:00

"They all go to Barney's apartment to take their frustration out on him, saying he's been a jerk toward Robin, too. Marshall punches off the stormtrooper's head and Lily explains to him that every time he talked about hooking up with a new girl, Robin went off and cried. Barney suddenly throws up into his stormtrooper's head, overcome with emotion.

Barney is stunned that Robin was so upset, also recalling having sung the "bang bang" song in Robin's face. Barney knows where to find Robin - at the shooting range. Robin admits she was upset, but Barney told her she wasn't 'just another number' to him. She is mad that Barney had never taken her on an amazing date. Barney apologizes, and then offers to make it up to her; Robin asks Barney not to sleep with Anita. He agrees, then tells Robin she would be the one going on a super date."

Every once in a while, my hopelessness gets the better of me and I get emotional over a scene like that.

I could never steal you from another

2010-03-10T23:21:00.001+08:00

I may not have it all figured out, but I think the key is to never look back.

2010-03-08T00:39:00.002+08:00

You light up my life. My world is a better place. Everyone I look at you my troubles fade away. I love you Ginsy. You are my precious little angel and I thank God for you.

I've been in love beforeThe hardest part is when you're in it

2010-02-28T20:35:00.000+08:00

2010-02-21T23:07:00.006+08:00

"Kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? It's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again..."

But if she loves you nowWhat else matters

2010-02-20T21:29:00.004+08:00

"Women sit around obsessing about what went wrong over and over and men just say ‘alrighty’ and they move on."

Need my good ol girls Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte now. Now.

Can't you seeI'm no good without you

2010-02-20T16:30:00.004+08:00

Came across a picture of my uncle and I when I was 5. I miss him, so much. I do. Wish you were still here........

2010-02-20T12:09:00.004+08:00

Why is Colin Firth so dangerously charming? Don't wonder why I've always been attracted to older men. Am getting increasingly annoyed that Pete's looking at Violet lovingly (from afar) yet sleeping with Addie... men. And I know that Barney is really still in love with Robin. They are made for each other. Devestated that George died and I miss Chandler and Joey. I have no life.

2010-02-19T13:45:00.003+08:00

Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth

2010-02-17T22:26:00.001+08:00

"The best place to meet a guy is at the supermarket. You don't need to waste a lot of time there, either. You see a guy holding a list, you know he's married. He's in the frozen food section carrying a small basket, he's single. I like to hang out by fruits and vegetables, there's a better chance of getting a guy who's healthy."

- Must Love Dogs

2010-02-16T22:39:00.001+08:00

Mark Darcy exists Mark Darcy exists Mark Darcy exists

2010-02-16T18:49:00.000+08:00

"Derek, have you ever thought that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch that I still might be the love of your life?" - Addison

Doesn't work that way Addie!

Excuse me while I fall for you

2010-02-08T14:38:00.002+08:00

The human heart is a scary part in fact
'Cause I could break you and you could break me back
Though my head says just forget it
You'll get hurt and you'll regret it
Ask me now and I won't hesitate

'Cause I'm fearful of heights and you take me higher
What came with you was a view to admire
I've always been the kind to contemplate
But you like the kind that don't hesitate

I thought about it long and hard today
I realized I'm standing in our way
Usually my judgement's better
But with your blue eyes, hey whatever
Ask me now and I won't hesitate

Excuse me while I fall for you
Excuse me while I fall for you

Don't want to lose you Don't even own you

2010-02-04T21:47:00.002+08:00

I am so detached. So, so detached. The only thing that is keeping me in check is my pretend world. There are so many things I want to do but I can't move forward because I'm afraid. I'll get out of this soon. Though this pretend world makes me feel safe, it's the unsafe and unexpected that makes life, Life right? No one has it all.

2010-01-31T22:43:00.003+08:00

"Look, alone people don’t like to hear about together people okay? Even if the alone people are alone by choice. It’s sort of mean." - Callie

2010-01-27T23:12:00.002+08:00

need some order. mtv cribs, you did this to me.

2010-01-27T21:15:00.003+08:00

So he takes a ladder
Steals the stars from the sky
Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry

2010-01-26T22:49:00.002+08:00

"I’m not going to get all talky about feelings or hair." - Charlotte
"I just want a martini!" - Violet

Get a grip

2010-01-25T22:08:00.002+08:00

Time. Never enough.

2010-01-24T10:21:00.005+08:00

"So you think I’m broken. Fix me. 'Cause I’m no quitter." -Meredith

You asked me why I was tired as if you were mocking me. As if people had to earn the right to feel tired. I won't deny. And I'm not ashamed. I'll tell you why.

I'm tired of not knowing who I am. Tired of not knowing who to trust. Tired of not knowing how to feel. Most of the time it's the fear of the not knowing. Other times when I do know, it's equally terrifiying.

I'm tired till it's exhausting. I'm tired till it's numb.

You've been messing with my mind – my already messed up mind. I said I'm not like others. I'm different and I know it. I won't feed your ego.

It was us baby way before them

2010-01-22T01:10:00.002+08:00

I believe in love. I just don't believe in relationships.

2010-01-21T21:06:00.004+08:00

Love my bros. I actually look forward to Studio because of them. They make me laugh like an idiot. I've never felt so comfortable in that place. So annoying yet sweet at the same time. The things Fiz says, Jerry is ultimate cuteness, Liyon and his outbursts, Sam is... Sam and Kevin is just awesome.

2010-01-20T21:29:00.003+08:00

Till now, I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone

I hope my love can blind you

2010-01-19T10:53:00.004+08:00

I hope my smile can distract you
I hope my fists can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know

I hope my love can blind you
I hope my arms can bind you
So you’ll never have to see
What we’ve grown to be

One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not okay

One may think we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground with every passing day
We’re not okay

But that’s one thing I would never
One thing I would never
One thing I would never say to you
That's one thing I would never say to you

Stunning.
I want to write like that.

2010-01-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

I don't say a lot of things. I don't say anything. You'd be a disappointment if you think I have the inability to feel. Everybody has a problem.

2010-01-17T14:41:00.002+08:00

"It's often just enough to be with someone.

I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both.

You're not alone."

- Marilyn Monroe

2010-01-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

"I adore you, by the way." - Lexie

2010-01-16T19:00:00.005+08:00

thought: don't expect. not anything. not from anyone. only two kinds of people in this world are ever worth it. i believe in soulmates. and i believe in bestfriends. otherwise, don't expect. no one else is going to love you unconditionally so where's the sense in giving your all. people are fake. judgemental. nice enough to want to be your friend but don't expect. disappointment can be consuming.

cynical.

2010-01-16T15:46:00.006+08:00

Lovin Cougar Town, Grey's, Private Practice, Big Love, Dexter, AIdol, Entourage, Glee, himym. Missin Pushing Daisies, Lipstick Jungle.

Call. Me. Crazy. Insane, whatever. I could die happy.

2010-01-15T19:17:00.001+08:00

"Go find another lover. To bring, to string along."
- Bon Iver

I mean after all your legs are shaking

2010-01-13T21:43:00.004+08:00

I deny. I am vulnerable. I care too much. At my weakest, I am a hopeless, helpless romantic. At my strongest, I don't have a strongest. I don't do complicated. I am done with complicated. People cut and run.

The problem is, Mr Darcy is not real and Me and Mrs Jones can never be happy. The problem is the fooling of the heart, the building up of hopes.

Yet I am normal. So normal.

2010-01-12T20:36:00.002+08:00

"How is he?"

"Dead to me"

"Talk to me if you ever need him."

How my thoughts they let me down Then there's you

2010-01-11T21:45:00.005+08:00

I love sheep bag day. It was raining and it was cosy and I bought my sheep bag and I was happy.

But life goes on.

2010-01-10T17:45:00.004+08:00

"Holly, you're drunk." - Paul Varjak

"True." - Holly Golightly

And now all your love is wastedAnd then who the hell was I

2010-01-09T15:43:00.000+08:00

2010-01-08T19:48:00.000+08:00

"Don’t wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don’t." - Meredith

Baby baby you're so demented

2010-01-07T17:19:00.002+08:00

It is the comfort. It is the comfort we are attached to. The comfort in knowing that someone is there. Someone.

Eventually we grow out of it - the comfort, that someone.

2010-01-06T22:20:00.002+08:00

"I didn’t know. I didn’t know you were meant to savour and hang onto every moment in case it was your last."

The night time is the most dangerous.

Never wanted to be your weekend lover

2010-01-06T00:00:00.002+08:00

Neurosis

Now if my sky should fallWould you even call

2010-01-03T13:05:00.002+08:00

So I did what my sister did. The almost unthinkable. I guess in most ways we are similar. Yet in other ways, worlds apart.

I've said everything a person can say, even in the most subconscious state of mind, I've said everything. I don't have a sweet and pretty world.

2010-01-01T01:40:00.000+08:00

It is the not knowing. The not knowing is a torture.

2009-12-31T00:42:00.003+08:00

"I think it's better to have someone. Even if it hurts. Even if it's the most painful thing you have to do. I think it's better to have someone."

Change is hard

2009-12-23T20:38:00.001+08:00

I’m all outta luck but what else could I be
I know he’s yours and he'll never belong to me again
I was never enough
But I can try to toughen up
I listened when they told me
If he burns you, let him go